[smiler]

init!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Space_Cowby]

post somefink funny then :regular_smile:

[.NEIL.]

pmsl just like that

[phil-h]

jase it's not our fault you can't get a decent nights kip... just go kill the ****ing builders, give us all some peace lmfao!

[UGG]

you not had much sleep either phil!!

[Benster]

see my sunday thread .........

[smiler]

Mick met Paddy in the street and said, 'Paddy, why don't you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your wife in the future?'

'Bejaysus, why should I do that?' Paddy asked.

'Because,' said Mick, 'the whole street was laughing when they saw you making love to your wife yesterday.'
Paddy said, 'Stupid *******s, the laugh's on them ... I wasn't home yesterday.'

An old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up
from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His
wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks,

"Where are you going?"

He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."
She says, "Why, are you sick?"

He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that
Viagra stuff."


Immediately the wife starts working and positioning
herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put
on her coat.
He says, "Where the heck are you going"?

She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."
He says, "Why, what do you need?"

She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a Tetanus shot."


first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'



Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, '

>Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....'



Many aspects of human sexuality are very puzzling. Take celibacy. This can
be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by environmental factors.

While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Ron and Fiona listened to
the instructor declare 'It is essential that husbands and wives know the
things that are important to each other.'

He addressed the men. 'Can you each name and describe your wife's favourite
flower?'

Ron leaned over, touched Fiona’s arm gently and whispered,

'Self-raising, isn't it?'



Thus began Ron's life of celibacy.



The Penis Poem:



My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out,

What used to be my sex appeal, is now my water spout,

Time was when, on its own accord, from my trousers it would spring,

But now I’ve got a full time job to find the ****in thing,

It used to be embarrassing, the way it would behave,

For every single morning it would stand and watch me shave,

Now as old age approached, it sure gives me the blues,

To see it hang its little head and watch me tie my shoes.